Voyage a Douvre

By Faces Two13/4 16:54Sun Apr 13 16:54:31 2025

Views: 96

9 a.m. train from Victoria. It made good progress until it was held at Folkestone Central for 15 minutes, due to the Institutionalised Englishness that increasingly plagues this Fourth World crap-hole.
I checked the time on my phone.
12:05.
Comment au nom d'Allah😳...?
I got a text from Vodafone.
'You are roaming..."... Followed by, "Welcome to France!"
Maybe Marine LePen's circumvented her ban on running for office across La Manche by taking power over here. The rate we've been going through Prime Ministers lately, I might have missed the announcement.

Lovely day. I exited the station to see a family of oversized Gooners, all in shirts, sitting outside the Priory boozer. Maybe they were going to the evening kick-off at Brentford. They'd be a shade sozzled if they were staying in the pub until the game started. Sad that the two girls, who'd have been 8 or 9, will magically morph into Sandra Burke and Tracey Tunstall within a decade. Dover looks a very White Trash town.
Full English breakfast in the Beano Cafe. There seems to be one of those in every Kent and Sussex coastal town with an Isthmian League side.
Into the Duchess boozer. I almost laughed at a pint of John Smith's being £2.60. I did laugh at Kilmarnock's defending, as Celtic went 4-0 up inside 20 minutes. I laughed even louder as a fifth was ruled-out by VAR, in spite of two Killie defenders' feet being closer to the goal than the Celtic player who was pinged.
On the slow walk to the ground, I laughed again at a newsagent's window board. Studio flat - £105 per week. That's exactly half what I pay for a room in a crap-hole on the LHR flightpath.

I arrived at the top of the hill early and went into a sparsely-populated Cricketers for a pint of John Smith's. £5.20😂. Lovely pub. Several notches up from the Duchess. Nice beer garden. Pool table too close to the wall and way too close to the dartboard, but one can't have everything.

There's a print of Kent's first ever County Championship winning side on the wall - from 1906. It features a teenaged Frank Woolley, who played 16 matches in his debut season, averaging 31 with the bat and taking 42 wickets at 21 apiece... following a debut v. Lancashire where he recorded a third-ball duck, thrice dropped J. T. Tyldesley during JT's career-best score of 295*, and took one wicket. He did make 64 in the second innings. After his England debut three years later, Woolley stayed in the England team until 1934 and played for Kent until 1938.

Kent's best batsman in 1906, 23-year-old Mr. K. L. Hutchings, in his first full season - 1,464 runs at 60.58 - and best bowler, Arthur Fielder - 172 wickets at 20.55 (from 1,100+ overs, in 24 matches, as a genuine speedster😳) - were Wisden Cricketers of the Year in the 1907 Almanac.
Lieutenant Hutchings was killed by a direct hit from a German shell in the Battle of the Somme in 1916. Arguably the second-best England cricketer to die in the Great War, no trace of Lt. Hutchings remained for burial. The best England cricketer to die in the Great War was his Kent team-mate, Colin Blythe, who was a tad short of par in 1906 - taking 111 wickets in 18 matches at 19.90. Blythe was killed at Passchendaele in 1917. His Test bowling average of 18.63 is 5th-best of Englishmen who've taken 100 Test wickets.
I wonder what Messrs. Hutchings and Blythe would have thought about multi-million-pound official enquiries into allegations of players being called nasty names in the Yorkshire CCC dressing room.
Or "small boats" arriving at Dover.

Kent didn't play at "The Crabble" in 1906. Their first game there was the following year. The ground continued to host two Championship games and the odd one-dayer every season until the nascent days of the John Player Sunday League in the 1970s. Dover Cricket Club went bust in 2004 and the cricket pitch is no more. Walking into the sports complex, it's difficult to picture Colin Cowdrey batting, Derek Underwood bowling or Alan Knott keeping wicket on what's now solely a rugby field.

Up past the rugby pitch and into the Crabble Athletic Ground, home of Dover Athletic F.C.... Who haven't actually gone bust, in any incarnation, since the 1980s. The Crabble has gained a new 500-seat stand since I was last here with "That Mob In Ruislip." I'm impressed that a structure with so much wood can look quite so brutalist. What I assume is a hospitality suite looks like the Ed-209 enforcement droid from "Robocop"
A "No Cash" rule at the burger hut is arguably more brutalist than the new stand. The burger was decent.
The programme was somewhat minimalist for £3. It contained a lovely full-page, uncaptioned, "pic of the week." It's from a pasting Hendon received here in 2009. A young, clean-shaven Little Kev, is tackling a Dover player - Jon Wallis, I think - with their arms entwined like they're dancing a Tango. There's a perfectly framed profile of James Parker's handsome features hanging in the top left corner as if it were a theatre mask.
Short of a Paul Whitmarsh or a Eugene Ofori, Hendon could do with a midfield shit-kicker with some class like Little Kev, or a classy, game-reading #5 like James Parker right now.

There were plenty of mentions online and over the tannoy of a Paul Sykes, on what was the 20th anniversary of his death.
This rather confused me. It seems the late Paul Sykes in question was a former Dover Athletic player, who collapsed and died on the field while playing for Folkestone Invicta against Margate. I don't remember that. I assumed the late Paul Sykes in question was the notorious lunatic ex-boxer from Wakefield, who brought a large contingent of Tyke ne'er-do-wells to Wembley when he challenged John L. Gardner for the British and Commonwealth heavyweight titles in 1979. That late Paul Sykes spent a lot of his adult life in prison, where, it was alleged, he used to place a copy of "The Sun", open at Page 3, on the backs of unfortunate inmates as he raped them up the tradesmen's entrance in his cell. That late Paul Sykes died in 2007.

Hopefully, Hendon were not going to be raped up the tradesman's entrance by Dover, though the Dons did elect to wear those fetching pink shirts that fade to grey. A strange visage when green shirts don't clash with Dover's white and black kit.
Hendon were, however, shagged by the Department of Transport. Traffic congestion meant the coach didn't arrive at the ground until around 2:20. Usual government incompetence. It's those coming from the southeast that need impeding as they try getting to Dover, not those heading there from the northwest.

Bognor Regis were already 1-0 up against Dulwich Hamlet by the time referee Ed Smith blew the whistle for kick-off at 3:10. This Ed Smith was not the former Kent & England opening batsman. Even by the standards of diversity the game now favours, a bloke with a double first from Cambridge and an IQ north of 150 holding any sort of official position in association football would be taking things a mite far.
It was a calm, sunny day. Hendon kicked down the slope in the first half. It didn't take long for things to go downhill.
A spooned Dover hoof dropped on the right side of the Greens' penalty area, maybe 12 yards out. Alkeo Bani got his head to the ball but sent a looping header backwards towards Matteo Salamon's goal. There were no players in Salamon's six-yard box. With the ball dropping six feet short of the line, it should have been a comfortable catch for the keeper. Indeed it was. Having safely pouched the ball, Salamon, under very moderate pressure from a solo George Nikaj, seemed to lose his balance and took a couple of steps back. The Kent appeals, from both pitch and terrace, were rather half-hearted - Dover prefer to kick the other way in the first half and the drum & flag brigade were changing ends and had not yet arrived behind the goal - but the linesman flagged. Referee Smith came across to confirm his assistant's call. Goal. One-nil. Barely two minutes gone. I couldn't see where the linesman was positioned when Salamon took the catch but, with Bani a good 12 yards out for the back header, I don't imagine he was especially close to the goal-line. Neither I nor anyone near me thought the ball had crossed the line, though I was a good 30 yards away. Hendon's protests were suspiciously muted: as much based on dubious claims that Salamon had been impeded as on the ball not crossing the whitewash.

Hendon had looked to be lining-up with Tope Fadahunsi as a lone striker, supported by Niko Muir from the centre of a five-man midfield, in which Lonit Talla and Rohdell Gordon sat deep.
Dover seemed set to play in a fluid 4-3-3 formation, with nominal #9 Soares-Junior floating around all over the shop and George Nikaj & Luke Baptiste drifting in from wide positions. Perhaps they slightly moderated this after the fortunate early goal.

Salamon soon had to charge off his line to thwart Soares-Junior on the edge of his area. His close-range parry was as much with his face as his gloves and he stayed down for a while. Stefan Ilic and Lonit Talla made unsuccessful attempts to talk themselves into yellow cards by having a discussion with the linesman, while Isaac Currie was equally unsuccessful in a simultaneous request for a booking, made directly to Mr. Smith in the six-yard box.
Dover's first corner was a training ground faff-around, which nonetheless caused confusion between Salamon and Bani, who put the ball behind for a second-flag kick. A more conventional routine came to nothing, but a neat interchange between Soares-Junior, Alfie Matthews and Nikaj saw the last-named hit a dipping shot that Salamon caught comfortably.
Two minutes later, Dover were awarded a free-kick, 10 or 12 yards outside the box, in their inside-left channel. Matthews delivered a not-especially-lethal ball towards the near post. Maybe eight yards out, Baptiste, who can't be more than 5'9", rose unchallenged to plant a nice header inside Salamon's right post. Two-nil and things looking bleak for the Dons.
Dover pulled Luca Cocoracchio deep to sit in front of the back four and dropped what became a midfield quartet 10 yards deeper, leaving Soares-Junior roaming about up front in a 4-1-4-1.

Invited to go forward by Dover's retreat, Hendon raised a gallop. Nathan Opoku had a long-range cross-shot pouched by home keeper Jordan Gillmore before Ilic sent a 25-yard effort over the bar.
Dover continued to look dangerous on the counterattack. A sensible "advantage" call by Mr. Smith gave Cocoracchio and Baptiste the chance to set up Soares-Junior, whose shot was deflected for a corner. This was cleared for another. Only midway through the first half, but Dover's 4th corner was to be their last.
Having to take the game to Dover, Hendon were occasionally exposed by Dover waltzing at will through the pink shirts. Salamon comfortably saved a low Matthews shot after good work by Soares-Junior. Niko Muir made a fantastic attempt to win a free-kick for what might have been a very gentle nudge in the back - executing a "star-jump" at an angle of 45-degrees and hitting the turf with all four limbs still splayed, but it didn't impress Mr. Smith. Back up the other end Nikaj danced and twisted his way past Ilic but his searing drive found the side-netting. Ilic then rounded-off an impressive Hendon move through the left channel by finding Fadahunsi, whose shot was sadly low and wide.

Salamon had to rush out again to deny Soares-Junior with his chest - a shade fortunate - but Hendon retained the initiative and pulled a goal back as the interval approached. A Muir snapshot was blocked for a corner. Ilic's delivery found Anokye-Boadi, unmarked around 10 yards out. A white shirt got something on the powerful header but only succeeded in diverting the ball into the roof of the net. Two-one. Anokye-Boadi then fired a howitzer wide from 25 yards. It was travelling.

The game as a contest didn't last too long into the second half. Salamon was forced into an early sortie outside his box to head the ball clear, but Hendon weren't so efficient at tidying-up when Soares-Junior went down the right. His cross found Nikaj, whose attempt at a finesse header for the far post drifted wide but remained in play. From a fair way off, it looked to me as though a pink shirt might have had the opportunity to swing a boot and find row z as Dover rounded-up the ball and Baptiste's low, right-foot drive zipped inside Salamon's left upright for three-one.

Hendon were still lively. They dispossessed Ryan Hanson and a pleasing exchange between Gordon and Fadahunsi allowed Opoku a sight of goal, but the wide man hit a defender with his shot. Gordon hit a lame, low shot wide.
Dover were home and hosed before the hour. Hendon looked to be over-elaborating in a crowded area of the pitch, on their left, just short of halfway. Dover managed to poke a loose ball through to Baptiste, who was goal-side of the pink wall. He squared from the inside-right channel for the unmarked Hanson to side-foot home at the far post. Four-one.

Hendon again roused themselves. Opoku skinned Kent left-back Fuad Sesay, cut-in dangerously, then fell over. A Fadahunsi shot from the right was pawed-away awkwardly by Gillmore. Muir had a snapshot blocked.
A succession of substitutions then disrupted the flow of the game. Dover withdrew the mightily impressive Soares-Junior, who looks too good for this division. It's not hard to see why he's down here: simply a question of "what's he supposed to be?" For someone who's not a physical specimen, he is strong when staving-off defenders and holding the ball up, but coaches might not trust him as a #9 against hammer-throwers in Saaahf Essix or in the even more physical Scottish Championship, where he turned-out for Queen of the South. As a winger, he's useful and has a good wrong foot, but he'd be wasted out wide. Only a team that's on top most of the time can give him the freedom he's allowed at Dover, but he'd do OK in that role in a higher division.

Between the substitutions, Anokye-Boadi made a penetrative sortie down the right but his cut-back evaded the pink shirts in the middle and went all the way to Ilic, whose shot from outside the far post was straight at Gillmore. Sub Nikolai Krokhin headed over from a Gordon corner. Currie collected a yellow card.
A necessary substitution occurred with 10 minutes to play. Dover's big sub #9, Eniye Amgbaduba, challenged Salamon for an aerial ball. It looked a beefy shoulder charge. Salamon went down and stayed down. Amgbaduba was booked but Salamon couldn't continue. with no substitute goalie on the bench, Krokhin drew the short straw.
Could anything else go wrong?

Well, yes. While Big Nick's effort to squeeze into Salamon's orange jersey was making me think of Tyrone exiting the getaway car in "Snatch", Canvey scored against Hastings to just about take them out of Hendon's range in the relegation battle. Joe Halsey arrived for Salamon.
Krokhin confidently caught the inevitable early "tester" pot-shot from Francis Mampolo, then collected a soft low drive and performed an over-arm quick release to instigate a Hendon attack. Mampolo fired another effort wide.

Hendon nabbed what might yet prove to be a vital goal in a fortnight's time when Fadahunsi scrambled-in an Ilic corner. The relegation battle could go down to goal difference and Tope's "consolation" keep's Hendon one goal ahead of Dulwich Hamlet on that front.
The referee added three minutes! There had been five second-half substitutions, two bookings and the Salamon incident.
Krokhin had time to produce a double save that has to be described as world class. Mampolo hammered a volley from perhaps 10 yards out. With players in front of him, Krokhin swooped to parry with a reaction save that was top-drawer. The loose ball fell to a white shirt. Amazingly, Krokhin had bounced up by the time the follow-up was struck. He parried again, from closer range. This parry didn't travel quite so far. He fell on the rebound to gather. His ticker must have been going at a frightening rate. He hooked his quickly-taken clearance kick into touch on the halfway line.
Is there a goalie available for next week, should Salamon not recover?

So, a 4-2 defeat. Dulwich lost at Bognor. Hendon stay five points below the trapdoor, with three games remaining. Canvey held on to their late winner against Hastings. Both Bognor and Hastings are now three points behind Hendon, but both have a vastly inferior g.d. figure. It looks as if devouring a juicy omelette, full of incredibly diverse ingredients, is now Hendon's only hope of salvation... unless any boardrooms, bank managers or bailiffs know differently. "The Omelette", who've now lost five on the spin, host Canvey next Saturday. Canvey going into that game still being in more serious trouble might have given more cause for optimism, but the Gulls need two points to be mathematically safe. Hendon host Chatham on the same afternoon. It might still be a last day nailbiter, but the Greens could be down in six days from now, should things go badly.
.

Dover 4 (Salamon o.g. 3', Baptiste 15', 51', Hanson 57')
Hendon 2 (Anokye-Boadi 44', Fadahunsi 88')

Line-ups:
Dover (4-3-3) Jordan Gillmore; Roman Charles-Cook, Joe Tennent, Jacob Mensah, Fuad Sesay; Alfie Matthews, Luca Cocoracchio, Ryan Hanson; George Nikaj, Ruben Soares-Junior, Luke Baptiste.
Subs: Francis Mampolo (for Hanson 62'), Eniye Amgbaduba & Kweku Lucan (for Soares-Junior & Nikaj 65'), Tamas Amgbaduba (for Charles-Cook 68'), Jeremiah Gyebi (for Tennent 75').
Hendon: (4-2-3-1) Matteo Salamon; Isaac Currie, Alkeo Bani, J'Ardell Stirling, Stefan Ilic; Rohdell Gordon, Lonit Talla; Nathan Opoku, Niko Muir, Kofi Anokye-Boadi; Tope Fadahunsi.
Subs: Leo Sery & Nikolai Krokhin (for Bani & Opuku 62'), Kombe Kawimbe (for Talla 71'), Joe Halsey (for Salamon 80')
Attendance: 720.

Stats:
Shots on target: Dover 9, Hendon 5.
Shots off target: Dover 6, Hendon 5.
Shots blocked: Dover 1, Hendon 3.
Corners: Dover 4, Hendon 5.
Free-kicks: Dover 9, Hendon 7.
Caught offside: Dover 2, Hendon 1.
Yellow cards: Dover 1, Hendon 1.

Edited by Faces Two at 16:57:56 on 13th April 2025
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Edited by Faces Two at 17:13:50 on 13th April 2025

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