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Re: Horsham 1, Hendon 0.

By Not A Mong23/3 16:09Sun Mar 23 16:09:20 2025In response to Horsham 1, Hendon 0.Top of thread

Horsham still looks very civilised.
Not many folk ostentatiously signalling their belief that an omniscient being selected an illiterate gentile, in the middle of nowhere, as the conduit through which it would correct all the fuck-ups it had made in previous appearances & advice sessions with prophets down the millennia.
There was one bearded, bronzed beggar with a crutch. Rhythmically trembling in precisely the same style and in the exact same contorted pose as the Big Issue seller outside Fulham Broadway station and the old lady at South Kensington. I once saw an Arab lady put £10 in her styrofoam cup. The beggar deftly pocketed it. 30 seconds later, another Arab lady put a fiver in. At that point of the day, I'd not earned £20 for three hours logged-on to food delivery apps.
I wonder which dance school teaches these Mohammedan Otstupniki to perform these challenging gyrations.
I didn't see anyone stealing from a Sainsbury's, grabbing a mobile phone on an e-bike or openly smoking a fat spliff.

There is no McDonald's and the Colonel is allowed to purvey his secret herbs & spices only from a site outside the ring-road. Quite right, too. There is a Gregg's, but they were completely out of steak bakes, the chicken bakes were going to be 8 minutes and the one vegetable bake on view had a hole in the middle of similar dimensions to the apertures in Hendon's defence. I passed. Good decision.
I found a Portuguese / South African cafe for breakfast. Tasca. £11.20 for a "Full English", with tea and toast. It was top class. Good value at the price. They even served Delta coffee - as most Portuguese cafes do. £2.70 for a double espresso. The Portuguese gaff I occasionally used to frequent on Stockwell Road, Sintra, appears to have gone tits-up recently. So has the Portuguese kid I used to go there with, who managed to break her ankle. She's had the good sense to emigrate to Canada. Hopefully, the proprietors of Sintra have also had the good sense to abandon this shit-hole of a country. They weren't fond of Brazilians, never mind the average inhabitant of Stockwell! Horsham's a mite more upmarket than Stockwell. Or most parts of Comrade Trudeau's Canada these days.

I couldn't find a boozer with a dartboard. The Bear, in Market Square, was listed as having one, but it has undergone a garish recent refit. The oak beams have largely been hidden away and the dartboard has vanished. £5.60 for a Guinness. Could almost be in Sussex with prices like that.

This was my first visit to the Hop Oast Stadium. I can't say I was impressed. It reminded me of Sittingbourne. No shipping containers, but almost as much metal and hordes of noisy brats stamping around on it. Moving around wasn't easy, but I guess 1,500+ is significantly more than they usually attract.

Horsham ran out in yellow shirts with a green sash. I can't even think of a horse racing owner with colours that garish, but the shirts were ringers for the "One Europe" strip worn by the multi-title-winning Nantes side of the late-70s & early-80s. The "1" on the huge "One Europe" sponsors' logo, allowed in Ligue #1 at that time, resembled a sash. The very name "One Europe" would likely be outlawed as "far-right" or "offensive" on Planet Football these days. Hendon's white & black outfit, with a green stripe, looked like might have been worn by the West Germany national hockey team of the same era.

Horsham adopted an odd formation: maybe 4-2-3-1, but with Rodrigues and Ajakayie taking it in turns to sit behind lone striker Dickson. They pressed quite a bit - as teams tend to these days.
Hendon went 4-4-2 and pressed rather more. There was... errrrrm... "quite a lot" of room behind the fullbacks when they ventured forward. An Audi driver with an Uber licence might well have managed to successfully reverse-park in the space behind Halsey. The Horsham fullbacks in possession were like golfers, 30 yards short of the green, knowing they only had to get up & down in three. Just chip the ball over the top into the verdant, vacant space and roll it in.
I still follow the S.P.F.L. and the L.o.I. but very rarely watch football at any level these days. However, this "pressing" palaver and "possession-based" bollocks gets my goat at Premier League level, never mind when donkeys down here are asked to execute it. At the first hint of the opposition pressing at this level, I'd stick a Niall Quinn / Duncan Ferguson wannabe in the #9 shirt - maybe one in the #10 shirt too - deploy a midfield of speedy, feisty Pulis-style thugs and instruct my defenders to hoof the fecking ball 50 yards every time they could swing a boot at it.

The match kicked-off at just before 3:03.
Hendon eventually started at just after 3:06, by which time they were 1-0 down.

Horsham forced a corner inside 30 seconds. The venerable Harvey Sparks and James Hammond produced the type of "fuck about" short corner routine that the likes of Messrs. Guentchev, Mapes, Byfield, O'Sullivan, Hudell & Bent used to deploy every 10 minutes under Gary McCann, when I used to watch Hendon semi-regularly. As with Hendon's "noughties" short corners, it went nowhere.
Sixty seconds later, Ajakayie was in, one-on-one with Matteo Salamon, but the keeper denied the speedster with a good save. This delayed the inevitable for a further minute. Sparks took a "proper" corner from Salamon's left, it appeared to skim off a Hendon head and find its way into the net off a knee, hip or rib. Centre-half Strange raised an arm to claim the goal.
In spite of the ease with which they clipped and chipped balls through and over the Hendon defence, Horsham did not create another decent opening for 10 minutes. Indeed, Kofi Anokye-Boadi had a great chance for Hendon, 12 yards out and clear at Carey's right post, but he possibly slipped as he scuffed the ball wide. This chance arrived due to Horsham fannying around with "possession football" at the back and self-harm by the Hornets always looked to be Hendon's most likely path to parity.
Another pitching-wedge over the Hendon defence - left to right by Strange - put Ajakayie away. His cross found Dickson, but the striker's finish was weak and Salamon saved comfortably.
Hendon soon had another good opportunity when J'Ardell Stirling embarked on an impressive - and largely unchallenged - surge from just inside his own half, but he managed to hit Niko Muir with his shot and the ball rolled wide.

This was a fairly low-temperature game. Offsides apart, the first free-kick didn't arrive for 15 minutes. Corners - at least Horsham ones - were more common, and the third saw Salamon tip an inswinger over his bar.
Hendon's first - and last - shot on target occurred just after this: Ilic cutting-in dangerously from the right, but striking a powder-puff effort that Carey pouched easily.
Salamon had to dash out of his area and win a header, when another nine-iron sailed over his back four, but Horsham could not find a killer pass. Carey came close: hoofing a goal-kick that caught the Greens' defence napping and put Dickson though on the goalie. Dickson clipped an effeminate effort wide.
Low-temperature or not, Strange soon found a killer challenge: flattening Isaac Currie, collecting a booking and ending the Hendon left-back's participation. Kawimbe replaced Currie, taking-up the right-back slot, with Halsey switching across to the left. Within 30 seconds of changing flanks, Halsey ghosted past three yellow shirts down the touchline, cut-in from the corner flag to beat another two, but then lost control of the ball inside the box. It was a heck of a run, though!
Hendon's attempts at pussyfooting around saw Ilic inadvertently put Meekums away, but his control wasn't great and the ball was knocked behind for a Sussex corner, which came to nothing.
Hendon won their first corner after 41 minutes. Rohdell Gordon skinned Sparks, cut along the goal-line and hit a short-range cross that Alkeo Bani failed to control and the ball was scrambled behind. Carey punched from the flag-kick, the ball dropped to Ilic in the D, he took a touch and unfortunately hit Strange with a respectable shot.
At the other end, Ajakayie badly spooned an attempted lob over Salamon. Rodrigues, who'd decided to play as a #10 for a while, then found Meekums, who beat Salamon but saw his shot roll wide of the keeper's right post.
On balance of play it was odd that Horsham were only 8-4 ahead on shot-count and 6-1 ahead on corners, but it was astounding that they only led 1-0.

I didn't see one Hendon fan I knew as they changed ends at half-time. I recognised Jake's flags, though.
An early "fuck about" Horsham corner routine by Sparks and Hammond almost paid dividends, but an unmolested Danny Barker put a header wide. Should've done better.
Another corner saw six yellow shirts around the six-yard box. A near-post scrum produced a looping nod, which seemed to have dropped inside Salamon's top-left corner. The crowd's cheer was curtailed when they realised it was the back-pedalling keeper clawing the top of his net that had made it ripple. The ball fell narrowly wide.
After having six men in the mixer for a corner, Signor di Paola decided enough was enough and opted for a spot of Catenaccio. Rodrigues was taken off. On came Montel Agyemang, to sit unwaveringly in front of the Horsham back four as a policeman. Unambitious, perhaps, but understandable as snaffling a misplaced pussyfooting pass by a Hornet still looked Hendon's most probable avenue for an equaliser.
Now surrounded by imitation Lardy Boys - and one recognisable original - my attention began to wander slightly, especially as Ayr United, the shortest-priced team in my Scottish football accumulator, were sinking my investment, with Morton, Montrose, Clyde & Forfar all in front.
The Horsham half-chances kept coming. Hammond put one wide. Meekums was guilty of atrocious fannying after a Hammond pass had put him in.
Ola Ogunwamide replaced Ajakayie. For some reason, barefoot 1960 Olympic marathon champion Abebe Bikila appeared on my Facebook page on the train down. Ogunwamide would've slipped around less comically if he'd played barefoot. Allah alone knows what he was using for studs.
Dickson was flagged offside from a huge, looping hoof that put him in on Salamon, when he looked to be a good yard onside when the ball was played. Ogunwamide produced some nice tricks to lose Halsey and Stirling in the box, but then fell over. Dickson scuffed a low shot wide, before being subbed-off. Ogunwamide, put clear through the inside-right channel, produced a first touch that propelled the ball fully 10 metres into Salamon's grateful gloves. The same player then fell over in the box as he attempted to evade Halsey. The imitation Lardy Boys roared; the ref waved "play on."
Rohdell Gordon put a free-kick from five yards outside the box and five yards to the left of the D five yards over the bar.
Salamon made one final save from sub Fenelon, who then slipped over, Ogunwamide style, when presented with another chance, before the referee put the Hendon players and fans out of their misery by blowing the final whistle.

With Gary Mac's Reeeekay losing, Horsham move to within 4 points of new leaders Dartford at the summit. They go to Cheshunt next weekend.
With the bottom six all losing, Hendon remain 7 points below the trapdoor, with six games to go. The teams immediately above and below them - Canvey Island and Hastings - both have a game in hand. That game is against each other. On Tuesday night, in Sussex.
A win for Canvey at Pilot Field will put them 10 points clear of Hendon and the trapdoor, going into the Canvey v. Hendon "Shitshow at the Jellicoe" next Saturday. Canvey will be safe with two wins this week.
The only thing I even vaguely care about is Gary Mac winning the Isthmian League. Sad, but true.
I might well venture to Feelgood Island next weekend.

Horsham 1 (Strange 3'), Hendon 0.
Horsham (4-2-3-1) Lewis Carey; Lee Harding, Jack Strange, Isaac Philpot, Harvey Sparks; Danny Barker, James Hammond; Daniel Ajakayie, Lucas Rodrigues, Reece Meekums; Chris Dickson.
Subs: Montel Agyemang (for Rodrigues 58'), Ola Ogunwamide (for Ajakayie 70'), Jack Brivio (for Hammond 73'), Shamir Fenelon (for Dickson 79').
Hendon (4-4-2) Matteo Salamon; Joseph Halsey, J'Ardell Stirling, Nikolai Krokhin, Isaac Currie; Stefan Ilic, Rohdell Gordon, Lonit Talla, Kofi Anokye-Boadi; Niko Muir, Alkeo Bani.
Subs: Kombe Kawimbe (for Currie 32'), Leo Sery (for Ilic 64'), Keagan Cole (for Bani 73').
Attendance: 1,577.

Stats: (Probably not entirely accurate)
Shots on target: Horsham 5, Hendon 1
Shots off target: Horsham 7, Hendon 2
Shots blocked: Horsham 2, Hendon 2
Corners: Horsham 9, Hendon 2
Free-kicks: Horsham 11, Hendon 16
Caught offside: Horsham 5, Hendon 1
Yellow cards: Horsham 3, Hendon 2

Edited by Not A Mong at 16:58:57 on 23rd March 2025
Edited by Not A Mong at 17:00:15 on 23rd March 2025
Edited by Not A Mong at 17:02:24 on 23rd March 2025

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